I forgot to post this one in March when I drafted it! Everyone, pretend you already saw it in March! 😅
Image source: compilation of stills from Adolescence on Netflix
Netflix’s popular new 4-episode show, Adolescence, is being hailed as a masterpiece in unveiling incel culture in young boys. And I agree, it is a brilliant performance by talented actors, and it is well-filmed, with each hour -long episode being filmed in one shot.
But even the show’s male producer, Stephen Graham, doesn’t seem to understand how his own misogyny creeps into his performance as Jamie’s father on the show.
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Graham claims that his character is just an ordinary Dad, “a hard-working man” who works long hours.
“I didn’t want him to be a violent dad who would raise his hand to his children,” says Graham.
So why do we see this supposedly non-violent male character, being abusive against his wife and children throughout the series, before he violently attacks a young man in public in episode 4?
If this is what the “good guys” think makes a good father… If this is the type of non-violent man who “couldn’t stop” his son from becoming a murder?
Or – more likely – is this series just one more example of a man looking for someone else to blame for men’s violence?
In fact, social media itself isn’t the only scapegoat in this series.
Katie, the girl who was brutally murdered by Jamie, is blamed for her own death.
The detectives and Jamie’s family claimed Katie was “bullying” Jamie, when all she really did was say “no” when he asked her to go out with him, and posting a single emoji – albeit loaded with meaning – on one of Jamie’s posts.
Yes, and this gets cleared up fairly early in the series: In Episode 1, CCTV footage shows Jamie and Katie in an altercation. She pushes him, and he pushes her, and then he stabs her repeatedly.
What’s being said on the internet is not new. This was first all said in grumbling tones by men at the pub, and then shouted at women when those men stumbled home.
Social media isn’t the problem.
Men’s violence is.
Take action against men’s violence today:
Sign the petition to the federal government petition to STOP abusers from suing victims who dare to report to police or speak up to warn others.
Donate to frontline services who are actively helping women and children leave – and stay out of – violent relationships. I recommend DVConnect for their crisis helpline, RizeUp Australia for providing accommodation and emergency furniture, BRISSC for free counselling and art therapy, and Women’s Health and Equality Qld (WHEQ) for community events and education.
Loudly disagree whenever you hear victim-blaming language. (No matter who’s saying it!)
Hold boys accountable whenever they hurt girls or women.
The Family Court of Australia has made some really odd decisions in the past decade, which it uses as precedents when making decisions now.
There are a long list of cases that will blow your mind, and today, here’s just one of them.
In Josey & Meibos [2009] FMCAfam 470, the Family Court harshly reprimanded a mother when she changed her kids’ school to try to keep herself and her children safe from their father, who had a history of violence and anger against them.
Not only that, but the court ordered her to re-enroll the kids in their original school and creche, and ordered the mum to make all decisions like this jointly together with the dad in future.
New research released by the Australian government has found that more than 1 in 3 average Aussie men freely admit to having committed domestic violence against their partner.
It proves what many women in Australia have known for years – even if it’s “not all men”, it’s more than 1 in 3.
And that is just the men who are happy to say, yep I’m committing violent acts against against people I claim to love. The rest, we are left to wonder about.
These statistics come from the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS), in a longitudinal study that compares men’s health and self-reported behaviour in 2023-24 and 2013-14.
I dislike the name of this study, but I really hate the truths that the study uncovered.
In 2013-14, it was only 1 in 4 Australian men (25%) who freely admitted to having committed domestic violence against their partner.
It is not okay that more Aussie men than ever before are abusing women.
And it’s not okay that more men than ever before think this behaviour is so normal, that they’ll happily admit to committing literal crimes against women.
It cannot be overstated – these are self-reported behavioural statistics, from a huge sample size of 26,000 men.
This means these statistics really do represent what men think and do in Australia.
Horrifically, during 2025’s Australian federal election campaign cycle so far, 4 women have died in one week (see Women’s Agenda).
A 45-year-old woman was murdered and her two young children grievously injured in Sydney.
Louise Hunt (42 years old) was allegedly murdered by her husband in Geham, Queensland.
Kim Duncan (65) was shot in her own living room.
And Claire Austin (38), who died in hospital after fleeing from a man believed to be her abuser. She had a court date set to get an apprehended violence order (a restraining order / protection order).
The men involved were all known or suspected of being violent or abusive before killing these women.
So with the election on this Saturday, and early voting happening at record levels, we should all ask ourselves: What are the political parties doing to keep women and children in Australia alive?
It’s a huge question, but the response from the Big Boys, Peggy Sue (Peter Dutton) and Albo (Hon. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese), has been tiny, and tokenistic at best.
In contrast, the response from The Greens and some keys independents has been massive, and meaningful for victim-survivors.
Want to keep women and children alive? Here’s who you should vote for in the Australian election.
Let’s break it down by political party.
What The Greens are doing to stop domestic violence
The Greens already do a lot to help victim-survivors of domestic and family violence (DFV) and advocate to prevent further men’s violence.
My local Greens MP Max Chandler-Mather puts a huge amount of their own salary into providing free community dinners every Monday, free school breakfasts, and advocating for housing for people at risk of being evicted.
They work with residents to fight against big developers who are trying to force them out of their own homes.
They were in the mud during the floods of Cyclone Alfred, making sandbags together with volunteers, and helping people get back on their feet.
They’re campaigning to stop pubs and clubs from adding more pokies, because we know that along with alcohol, gambling and debt are some of the most common factors in men choosing to commit violence against women.
They even have a free food pantry at their office, so you can come for a free meal, and ask for help with housing or homelessness.
Looking to the future, The Greens have launched a $15 billion comprehensive plan to address the national crisis of family, domestic, and sexual violence.
And it’s all funded by making the big corporations and mining giants pay tax – because they currently pay less tax than I do as a student teacher and support worker.
So the Greens’ plan will protect women and children, without any tax hikes against vulnerable workers like women, non-binary, and child workers.
But they’re not waiting until election day to act!
If you’re ready for a hilarious and engaging listen this weekend, start with Pod Like A Girl’s breakdown of the charity fails by “The Better Blokes” podcast.
You can listen to Pod Like A Girl on all the podcast apps, or visit the website to listen to it there:
Or you can watch this important conversation with video on YouTube:
Or you can even download the mp3 file to listen to it another way.
Full disclosure, it’s not just amazing, it’s also enraging, but only because we’re talking about the unashamed misogyny and idiocy of these two man childs.
And Rach and Mia are absolutely the right women for the job, because they’re intelligent and informed.
They’ve also spent years advocating to eliminate misogyny, sexism, and violence from Australia’s culture – and advocating for victims of this misogyny, which we know also harms men themselves.
The men who are going to The Better Blokes project for advice are more likely to be harmed, not helped, by what these blokes are spouting.
It’s the Aussie brand of the Andrew Tate manosphere, where men are encouraged to be a real man, and women are NOT welcome.
Like their videos telling women to “shut the f*** up” and let men speak (direct quote). 🤢 🤮
Which is a problem, because their governing legal documents, their charity charter, says they exist to improve men’s mental health… Not to indoctrinate men with misogyny and encourage violence against women, non-binary people, and even kids.
I just read the most heartbreaking message from 41 children who have been ignored and unheard when going through the Family Court of Australia.
One, 15-year-old said they felt “squashed”.
I just had to do what I was told and be quiet and suck it up, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.
Two sisters were ordered by the court to spend time with their father, even though they told the court they didn’t want to because they would not be safe with him. One of the sisters said:
That was always one of my biggest regrets because I’m like, maybe if I had said something differently, or emphasised it more, they would have understood what I was trying to say and actually listened… It wouldn’t have made such traumatic memories, which happened afterwards, when we were forced to see him.
The main themes they highlighted match previous research that looked into the fundamental flaws in Australia’s national “child-centred”, “DV aware” court.
For example, studies about the Family Court process and judges’ decision-making have found that:
“The courts are seemingly prioritising protection of the child from the risk of psychological harm by the mother due to her failure to facilitate meaningful ties with a father over the risk of alleged physical or sexual harm by the father. We see this as a serious concern.” (Easteal, Prest, & Thornton, 2019)
There is a “lack of fit” between the types of cases that end up in the Family Court, which “are invariably complex, and likely to involve allegations of domestic violence and/or child abuse, mental health concerns, high conflict, and substance misuse”, and the court’s repeated focus on shared parenting by both parents, “reflected in decisions that appear not to reflect the system’s overarching principle of the ‘best interests’ of children and may also pay insufficient attention to the safety of women and children.” (Laing, 2017)
So what is the Family Court of Australia actually supposed to be doing for children, and why is it refusing to meet its legal obligations?
It’s harder to say “happy new year” when you remember that 101 women were killed by men in 2024 (Femicide Watch Australia, 2024).
It might not sound like a huge number, until you compare it to the 46 women who were killed by men in the 2022-23 financial year (AIHW, 2024).
Men killing 101 women in 12 months is horrific because it is a doubling of violence against women in Australia.
Domestic and family violence is a national emergency, with 1 in 4 Australian women having experienced violence from a male partner (White Ribbon, 2024).
With that in mind, I read the following books last year, and I believe they would help any Australian man who wants to understand the current war on women and children in our nation.
More importantly, this information can help any person who wants to help us end the war on women.
I was thoroughly impressed by the way these writers gathered measurable data and research from all around Australia and sometimes internationally.
I’m sure you’ll find the statistics astounding – because I did, and I’ve already been reading on these topics for 20 years.
A note on gender references: All references in this article to “women” include trans women. Much of the data on “women” also includes non-binary people, who are routinely marked as female “for insurance purposes”.
In my research into Australia’s domestic violence epidemic, I’ve found an endless list of cases in Australia where parenting orders have been used as a blunt instrument to punish mums who were trying to keep their children safe from domestic violence and other crimes.
Apologies that the language about the parents in this post is mostly gendered (“mum”, “dad”, etc.). I could have said “parent A / parent B”, but instead, I’ve used gendered language based on how the parents were talked about in the court judgements because I don’t know these people’s preferred pronouns.
So let’s talk about why in Queensland, the Family Court of Australia and the Magistrates Courts, mums get slammed for doing the very thing mums are known for: protecting their babies.
This is not legal advice; I am not a lawyer. I am publishing this as a concerned citizen and an advocate for DFV victim-survivors.
And please ignore any typos; I was typing out this post on my phone this morning when I couldn’t sleep. #3amthoughts am I right? 😅
This original poem by TJ Withers is a response to the national OurWatch ad campaign and the global social media trend. See the hyperlinks within the poem to get all the context.
Men killed fifty-four women and four kiddies in seven months – who’ll be next?
It’s impossible to bear
Tiktok asked if we walked alone in the woods, would we rather see a wild bear, or a man?
Them men chose the man
We women choose the bear, because
If a bear attacks, people believe us
They don’t say, “He’s a good bear, though. He would never.”
If a bear attacks, you can see the scars
We can prove it happened
Hospital reports, doctor’s notes, days off work
If a bear attacks, the worst it can do is kill us
It don’t desire
To overpower
The bear mauls but won’t assault
If the bear attacks, and we tell someone what happened, the bear don’t sue us
The bear ain’t offended
The bear don’t deny their actions
The bear don’t have money and lawyers and an ego
If the bear killed us, people wouldn’t say,
“She should’ve chosen a better bear.”
If the bear attacks, police would say we were brave – not belligerent
But they say,
“She got aggressive”
“She provokes that bear”
“Put her in jail”
“Take her kids away”
No, nobody makes us raise kids with the bear afterwards
When the bear leaves, he’s gone
If the bear attacks, and it chews us up, spits us out,
They think it’s “not all men”, so good men should stop the bad ones
But if it’s not all men, where are the men?
At our July march, I see one
Old, white, brings a camera
Points it in the face of women without asking first
We cringe
He’s right up close
Up close is where it happens
We were worried about the stranger walking behind us, hoodie strings drawn
Clutched our car keys tight
But that’s not where it starts
No, it’s behind closed doors
They kill a woman every four days
They take what they want, then say she wanted it
They say they earn more, so she stayed home with the kids
They say she can’t see them, so she’s suddenly alone
They say they love her, so she tries not to talk about it
Feel bad
Know something’s wrong
But she’s in her own home
Relationships aren’t meant to be this hard, right?
When social media says more than the pollies
Because we’re the ones who care
It’s impossible to bear
That’s why we choose the bear
This is an original poem written by me, TJ Withers, as a reaction to the femicide epidemic of domestic and family violence (DFV) against women in Australia in 2024. All images are my own, taken at Brisbane’s July march in the series of national marches in the No More Violence Rally organised by the amazing humans and women and trans women and non-binary people at WWYW? Australia. This post does not implicate any men in the commission of DFV against the author or any other woman.
TJ Withers 