The second I saw this ad campaign by Bumble, I immediately uninstalled the app (I never use it anyway) and submitted a 1-star rating everywhere I could, and so did thousands of others.
Here’s why.
Note: This article refers to “women and other genders” and to “non-men” in an attempt to represent the reality of as many people as possible. Anytime I’ve written “women”, “trans women”, “trans men”, or “non-binary people”, know that I’m trying to remind people of a gender fluid spectrum, rather than trying to call out specific genders.
How Bumble offended every non-man in just 2 days
Bumble launched their “celibacy is not the answer” ad campaign in early May 2024, and it’s worse than anyone expected.
Happy holidays, everyone! I’ve made it through nearly the whole year without ranting about this, which I’m kind of proud of.
I cannot tell you how many books – both traditionally published and indie/self-published books – I’ve seen using the word “smirk” where it doesn’t belong.
A smirk is a one-sided smile. It can be smug, proud, fake, unpleasant, etc.
The easies way to remember the difference between a smirk and a smile is that if a person’s smirking, they’ve either won against the others, or they’re hiding something from the others (could be a good secret or something bad, doesn’t matter).
For example:
‘Merry Christmas,’ said the Grinch with a smirk. Later that night, he planned to press the big, red button in his lair and blow up all the presents.
But if a person’s happy, but not bragging or teasing or hiding a secret, they’re just smiling.
Can’t there be different types of smirk?
Yes, absolutely.
Damon from The Vampire Diaries is the classic example of the many different types of smirk. No one pulls off a smirk like Damon, and he does it in so many different ways or moods.
Here are some of the best examples I could gather for you of his different smirking styles…
Examples of Damon smirking in The Vampire Diaries
Cunning or evil smirk – like in the first few seasons:
You can’t tell what he’s thinking or planning – but the key is that his eyes are not smiling.
Playful or teasing smirk – Damon gives this type of smirk almost every time he interacts with Bonnie – once they become besties, that is.
Arrogant smirk – whenever Damon thinks he’s winning, or he’s managed to fool someone, you see this type of smirk… This screenshot is not the best because he’s talking, but you get the idea:
Loving smile that is sometimes a smirk – you could call Damon’s one-sided smile a smirk sometimes when he’s with the main character, Elena, because he’s hiding a secret from her. (Secret is: he loooooves her. Spoilers for 2011, I guess?)
This is the smile of someone who is proud of themselves for eliciting a reaction from their lover, or proud of their lover.
This versatility in expressions is just one of the many reasons why everyone loved to watch Ian Somerhalder play him in the 2000s and 2010s.
Damon was also a really well-rounded character, but I think I’ve fangirled enough for one post!
Incorrect times to say “smirk”
Sometimes a smile isn’t a smirk – it’s just a smile.
In a lot of novels I see these days, the male love interest is often smirking at the female hero – but not intentionally – he’s actually just smiling.
He’s not teasing her…
He doesn’t have bad intentions to pull one over on her…
He isn’t proudly smirking because he’s elicited a reaction from her…
He’s just smiling – so to say he’s “smirking” feels really jarring and just plain weird.
It makes the reader go, “Wait, what am I missing here? I thought this dude was in love with her?”
Pop quiz: Do you think Damon is smirking or smiling in this picture?
Y’all know I simply cannot let November pass by without attempting the #nanowrimo hullaballo. (NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month. It’s a lot of fun trying to write a full novel in one month!)
And whether you’re a plotter or a pantser, you know playing music that matches the themes you’re writing can really get you in the mood … for prose. 😉
So if you, like me, are writing a fantasy novel this month, here’s some musical inspiration to listen to while you write…
Image credit: Fourth Wing fan art 🎨 by @jrtart_ (Jesslyn) as featured on X (Twitter)
Here’s my favourite new finds for songs to play in the background of your next DND session! 😎✨
Yes, I play DND, and I love it!
Best background songs for playing DND
1. Step into the Stinky Dragon by Micah Risinger – look, I’m cheating with this one because it’s from the DND actual play podcast Tales from the Stinky Dragon, but I’m not sorry — it’s just amazing! Great for literally anything. (Bonus – another amazing song by Micah that’s been stuck in my head for weeks: His Name Is Mudd (firbolg comedy song).)
3. Running up that hill (by Kate Bush) instrumentals only, performed by the Unsecret String Quartet. Great for emotional scenes.
4. Heroic Fantasy Music by the Fiechters.Good for the start of initiative in combat scenes and for use as a theme song for characters in the martial classes.
5. If in a fantasy Maori setting – Hine-i-te Awatea (Oceanic Feeling, the Maori translation version) by Lorde. Good for druids. ♥️
(C) TJ Withers, 2023. Please credit me when sharing or reposting, thank you!
Can we know the will of God when making decisions? How do I know if I’m doing God’s will? How do I know if my feet are on the right path for God’s plan for me? How can I honour God with my work? How can I honour God in my writing or my art?
I was asked this recently by a friend and I’m going to answer it here as well because I think this question fundamentally affects our decisions when we’re living out our faith.
I went to the Planetarium recently and re-discovered that we are all just specks in this giant universe – no, less than specks. We cannot be seen from the moon. Our planet cannot be seen from outside the Milky Way.
We are miniscule – but God loves each of us as individuals, and Jeremiah 29:11 says God has a great plan for our lives. I can’t claim to know the will of God. But here’s what I think about when I’m trying to live out God’s will in both my paid work and my creative projects.
About to start the labyrinth in Sydney Centennial Park. Image source: My camera.
We’re only a few days into 2016 but I have found some AMAZING reads in my first days of 2016, which have also been my last few days of annual leave.
As a writer and editor, my “to read” list is too long for me to ever actually read, if it’s really true that you can only get through about 3,000 in the average lifetime. In my Google Docs “Books” folder, the list of all the books I’ve read in my life (only about 600 that I can remember so far) is far smaller than the list of books I would like to read (about 1 million). So I’ve told you how I chose the books I read last year, and I can definitely say I’m sticking with that strategy in 2016.
If you don’t know what to get yourself in the Boxing Day sales, and you have money left over after purchasing some truly meaningful gifts from Gifts of Compassion, TEAR’s Useful Gifts, Christian Blind Mission’s Meaningful Gifts, or some other world-changing charity … then please consider the following reads for belated Christmas gifts to yourself.
Get ready.
They’ll knock your socks off.
…
Best books made of paper and stuff in January 2016
My January 2016 reads lined up. Image source: My camera.
***Contains some spoilers. Watch the movie first.***
I’ve spent a while waiting for the rest of Australia to get to the cinemas and see Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens for nearly a week now, since the midnight screening that my engineer husband took me to while I yawned my head off. Post-Boxing Day, I figure enough people have seen it – and enough spoilers have already been posted all over the internet in reviews and Facebook posts. Here’s what I thought of Episode VII, from a strictly literary standpoint.
I was very touched to look up my blog statistics today and see that, gosh, pretty much as many people are reading my blog this month – when I’ve posted literally nothing – as any other month. In my head, this could be caused by many possibilities, all of them fairly positive – you actually find what I wrote in the past interesting, so you came back to reread it, or you told other people about it; or new people found the blog on Google and read something; or you all missed me and kept checking the blog daily to see if I’d written anything new yet.
Well, I haven’t written anything new. But I don’t feel bad about it – and here’s why you don’t need to feel bad about it either.
I’ve been reading about self-care. Here’s what it looks like for me this winter.
In the picture above, you can see some of my dedicated self-care helpers: Aloe vera tissues, cuppa tea, soy cheese crackers, inspiring documentary about miracle healers, a trip to the movies, a big, warm, fluffy blanket, and in the background, you can just make out my adorable baby CD player.
This year, I just read this post by Mrs Modern Darcy on what self-care can look like, this post on The Peaceful Wife about taking care of yourselves to love others better, and this post on Propel Women on how women in leadership can make time for self-care.
These posts are good reminders that self-care – taking care of yourself and doing a few things every day just to make yourself happy – is not just for you. It’s for everyone around you who needs your love and attention. You can’t give anyone love and attention when your needs haven’t been met and you feel out of sorts.
And the things that wear you out don’t need to be bad things. Even good things like serving, caring, and giving friendship, can all take energy. If we’re not recharging, we soon run out of love to give.
Stress from doing too many good things is not a new thing. Even Moses in the Bible got told off for trying to do too much at once without taking care of himself. His father-in-law Jethro warned him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will surely wear out, both yourself and these people who are with you, for the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone.” (Exodus 18: 17-18, NASB)
Remember how on the plane, they say to put on your own oxygen mask before you put on your kids’? They say that because if you don’t save yourself, you cannot save your kids. It’s not selfish. It’s essential.
And creativity? Forget about it! If you’re stressed, you are waaaaay less creative.
So I was inspired me to write out my own list of what helps me stay sane and productive on a daily basis, and helps me to love and work better. I hope it inspires you like it did me!
I saw the most awesome documentary last week about healers all over the world. Within 2 minutes, I had tears leaking out because of what a good story a healing makes. Before, broken and hurting and helpless to do anything about it; afterwards, healed and whole and grateful to God. The best part is that the story is true.
This post – and my free ebook you can download below – is for the life writers of true stories who want some “back to basics” reminders for how to get your story on paper. Whether you’re writing memoir, autobiography, or biography, a few simple principles hold true. And most of them are fairly easy to spot in your own writing, so you can save a lot of time by referring back to these principles as you write.
Memoirs and biographies need to feel real for the reader. They need real drama.
Yes, it’s your story, but it’s still a story. Your story – or the story of the person whose life you’re chronicling – has already captured your attention and imagination and heart. It needs to be written in a way that also captures the reader’s attention and their heart.
Here’s my 8 basic tips – one for every day of the week, plus an extra.
TJ Withers 